Oh no... Unconfirmed Sources report that zero shortage threatens Obama stimulus plan

Just when I though Obama was in for some smooth sailing, now I read that Unconfirmed Sources are saying that "Zero Shortage Threatens Obama Stimulus Plan." The report states that:

Unconfirmed sources are reporting that a shortage of zeros, is threatening to derail the Obama transition team's stimulus plans. The impending shortage of the "0" digit was discovered yesterday as copies of the proposed plan were being printed to distribute to members of congress. All federal agencies are being tasked to help conserve zeros until the crisis is over.

The report elaborates that:

"I was watching the print outs come off the machine when I noticed that some of the budget numbers looked too small." Says Stacey Goodman, of the Obama transition team. "I noticed that some of the zero's were missing. I then went to refill the zeros in the printer and found out the whole office was out. I then called around and discovered that everybody was running low on zeros."

Further noting that:

It seems that the massive size of all the numbers flying around Washington are putting a strain on the nation's zero supply. A quick informal survey of zero suppliers finds that, industry wide, zero's are being used faster than they can be made.

The report provides some background on the source of the problem:

"I've never seen anything like it." Says Ken Burton of Burton Digital Digits Manufacturing Co. "We are normally able to keep up with the demand for all numerals and letters, but the size of the numbers being used today has caught all of us suppliers off guard. We are trying to ramp up production of zeros, but these things take time. It could be weeks before we can meet the new demand."

The report concludes by passing on a caution from the government:

In the mean time government officials and suppliers are recommending that people try to use other digits to conserve the number of zero's available.

There was no mention as to whether existing zeros can be recycled.

As to their recommendation that other digits be used, they neglected to recommend any rationing plan for different digits since an obvious switch to the "1" digit would simply result in another shortage of a critical digit. Possibly each organization should consider using the last digit of their local zip code so that we get a more uniform use of digits to avoid future shortages.

Or, maybe it is time to expand from ten digits to twenty or even one hundred. That could shorten the lengths of these big numbers and possibly save paper. Besides "million" is a lot less scary than "trillion." How many people even know what a trillion is?!?!?!! Quick: How many zeros do you need for a trillion?

Hmmm... I did check the date and it is not April 1, so this report is probably not a joke, but it could be a hoax or a scam of some sort. Who knows...

Hey, you have to admit that this "hoax" is more realistic than a lot of the media coverage for the Obama stimulus plan.

What's next, a shortage of waterdoodles and labra hounds?

-- Jack Krupansky